I saw his package. It spoke to me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
