so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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