Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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