We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
