he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
