it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
