Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
