I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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