even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
