I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
