Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize