I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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