tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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