need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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