I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
