I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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