What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
