shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
