I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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