Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
