Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
