Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
