I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
