Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
