my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
