We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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