Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
She swung at the pinata with crutches
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
