I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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