he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
