I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
