I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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