Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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