I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
