I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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