im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Randomize
