Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
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