bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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