So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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