I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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