I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
