i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
