i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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