the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
