Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
