and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
