Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
