Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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