I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
