So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
