I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
