Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize