we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
