dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
