Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
no, he came in my armpit
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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