so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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