Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
