It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
