brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
