I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
