): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize