My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
