I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
