u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
