I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
