he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
