the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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