So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
