he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
