i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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