It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
