Little spoons don't ask big questions
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
