My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
