I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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