so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
