I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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