we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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