It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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