i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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