u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize