wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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