look no pants
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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