His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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