But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
my poor anus
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
