Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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