i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
