I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
